I’m reading a great book at the moment on birth preparation and everyday I’m having one of those lightbulb moments…
You know the ones where something suddenly fits and makes perfect sense to you.
A lot of the book talks about instinctive birthing… handing things over to your body to do what needs to be done and having full trust that your body knows how.
A lot of the time I see parents and carers doing a similar thing with children on the spectrum.
Sound weird? Let me explain…
They do the same thing in the sense that they hand things over to the child, without any support or explanation and then expect them to just “know how”…
But unfortunately they don’t “just know how” usually because they have never been taught, and so they are set up to fail.
Something that may be instinctive, easy or simple for a typically developing child to do may be the complete opposite to a child with ASD.
And this all comes down to their complex needs. Unlike giving birth, children with ASD haven’t instinctively known how to understand complex language given by typical developing people for thousands of years.
If a child has not yet got the skills to complete a certain task, it does not matter how much belief one has in them, they just aren’t going to be able to do it.
Sounds simple I know, but honestly I see this happening ALL THE TIME.
Reading a book together….
“And so the little fish was sad…. Why do you think the fish is sad?”
Playing at home….
“I don’t understand, what do you mean?”
At school…
“Go and get ready for lunch.”
I could go on and on.
The key thing that’s missing here, that will help your child understand you better, is the expectation. What exactly is your expectation? Because if your child is not clear on this, then they won’t be able to follow through with what you’ve asked.
So, going back to the examples…
Why is the fish sad? There could be a million reasons I guess? Could you narrow it down and give them a choice or make the question relate more to the story?
I don’t understand, what you mean? The chances are your child has explained the best they can and THEY cant see why YOU don’t understand. Try taking their hand and asking them to show or again give them a choice of things.
Get ready for lunch. By doing what? What exactly needs to be done here?
Being specific with your language and giving a clear expectation is an easy way to help your child understand you and follow such tasks.
While you’re here…
If you’re a parent or carer and want to help your child communicate more often, progress further and become more independent, then why not join ‘The Unlimited Autism Success Inner Circle’…
When you’re a member you get tons of videos, information and guides to use and work on with your child. You’ll find out everything from ways to help your child eat a more balanced diet, to the best ways support your child in making friends.
Speak with you soon until then,
Live every moment, Love beyond words and make a difference today
Emma Ottaway
The Ambitious Autism Ambassador
